Be Kind

To be kind is more important than to be right. Many times, what people need is not a brilliant mind that speaks but a special heart that listens.

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

When my kids were little, disagreements among them were inevitable: who would sit in what seat in the car, whose turn it was to do the dishes, whose fault it was that something broke, what TV show to watch, the rules of the board/card/made-up game…  As I arbitrated and/or comforted, I would emphasize to them the importance of being kind to each other even in the most trying situations.  Equally important, but perhaps more challenging, was helping them understand that being unkind in the face of being wronged was just as egregious as the wrong that was perpetrated against them. Whether we are on the playground or in the boardroom, we build much stronger relationships and create a healthy environment when we remember that it is always more important to be kind than it is to be right. 

I can remember specific encounters of uncommon kindness from friends, neighbors, coworkers, and even strangers, that changed my life for the good.  In some cases, names and faces are clear in my memory; in other cases, I don’t know their names or remember their faces.    But the imprint of their kindness will always be with me.  I can also recall the hurt and scars from unkind acts by people who were convinced they were right. Maybe they were. But does that matter? I’d say no.

Choosing kindness is especially imperative when we are in positions of authority. As leaders, we are much more effective when we create a psychologically safe environment where our teams feel respected and cared for.  Being the imperfect humans that we are, we are all going to make mistakes, miss the mark, …fail.  When that happens, and it will, we need leaders who can coach us with kindness.  As the saying goes, no one cares about what you know unless they know how much you care.  Shaming and put-down, even done inadvertently, by someone in authority can be devastating. In my experience, it takes days to recover. We lose focus and effectiveness as we struggle to rebuild our confidence.  However, if we are coached with kindness and respect, we grow from the experience. We become more effective teammates. Our sense of value and belonging is enhanced and that creates a halo effect impacting our teams, colleagues and the organization in a positive way. 

Kindness is more important than ever right now.  Sometimes, the person who needs our kindness most is ourselves.  The last 18 months have been hard. Burnout and anxiety are on the rise. We are all tired.  Did I already mention the part about us being imperfect humans…and that we are going to miss the mark sometimes?  When we do, we especially need to be gentle with ourselves.  We need self-awareness to guide our actions. Are we extending grace to ourselves and those around us during these challenging times?   Is winning or being right more important than the relationship? Is there an opportunity to approach things differently, apologize, forgive, reset, start again?  Let’s contemplate this, using kindness as the context.

Being kind is a superpower we can all harness.  Who knows, if we all commit to increasing our kindness quotient by even a fraction, we could be the unlikely heroes who change the world.