Follow the Leader, Part 1
"The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between, the leader is a servant." -Max DePree
“Fish rots from the head”. One of my mentors shared this profound truth with me as we witnessed first-hand the toxic and negative downstream effects of poor leadership. He was right. Literally and figuratively. With the privilege of leadership comes the awesome responsibility of leadership. As leaders, we set the tone and create the culture that will either nurture success in our homes, organizations or communities, or foster toxicity, hurt and failure. Leadership matters. How we lead matters. And, who we follow matters.
Several years ago when I was in a different city and a different organization, I was standing in the hallway talking with a colleague when the CEO of our organization came walking down the hallway. My office was close to the conference room and there was a meeting with several leaders planned that day. I had never met the CEO in person before, and my colleague was eager to introduce me. As the CEO approached, my colleague said, Hello [CEO name] I’d like to introduce Charmaine, she is….. He went on to introduce me by my role. The CEO, standing right there next to us, without even looking at me or acknowledging my presence said to him, “We need to get back to the conference room.” He then turned and walked away. Huh. I am sure there was lofty and important work that awaited them in the conference room. But I am also pretty sure it would have taken less than 10 seconds to say, “Hi. Nice to meet you. Excuse us, we have to get back to the conference room” …. or something along those lines. I felt so small and insignificant, and I could tell my colleague was as stunned and embarrassed as I was. I caught his eye as he turned to follow the CEO down the hall, with his eyes he communicated “I’m sorry” and I communicated back with my eyes, “It’s alright”. But it really wasn’t. And we both knew it.
As a leader, I get it. We have many demands tugging at us. We carry the burden of making big important decisions. But if we get so caught up with our title and power that we can’t treat the people around us with dignity and respect, then in my opinion we have to questions whether or not we are fit to lead.
No one is perfect. As leaders we will fail sometimes. If we are wise, we learn from these moments of failure and get better. I am not addressing the normal state of being human which will involve making mistakes and failing. I am focusing on patterns of poor behavior that persist over time without the self-awareness of the influence and impact we are having on those around us. At some point in our lives we will be in a position of leadership: in our family, in our work, as a teacher or a coach, as a volunteer, as a peer, or as someone who has influence over another. There is a saying that leaders cast a long shadow. What’s in your shadow?
Here is my checklist for us to rate ourselves and our leadership. If our pattern of behavior reflects a consistent “yes” to one or more of these questions, then we need to take a step back and think about what we are doing. Could it be that we need help in our leadership development? Could it be...that we are not fit to lead?
I put people down with my words
I expect those around me to always agree with me, even when I am wrong
I use my title and power for personal gain
I use my title and power to intimidate others
I launch personal attacks against anyone who disagrees with me.
I have a reputation of using my power to professionally or emotionally destroy anyone who is perceived as not being loyal to me
I label others with derogatory names
I attack people, not issues
I believe I’m above the rules; I make my own rules
I think some groups or classes of people are better than others and openly discriminate against the “lesser thans”
I use emotional blackmail to keep people “loyal” to me
I manipulate people and situations to get what I want
I don’t think I have an obligation to be truthful or honest
I ignore advice if it gets in the way of what I want
I don’t do anything for someone else unless they can do something for me
I will do whatever it takes to maintain power and control.
It’s a tough list. I know. But leadership is a serious matter, a responsibility that should not be taken lightly. There are admirable leaders who take their responsibility seriously and work hard every day to avoid perpetuating any of the behaviors on the list above. Those leaders are making the world a better place every day. They are unlikely heroes who may never get any formal recognition. But the shadow they cast is full of light.
“If you are a leader, then trust me, you are having either a positive or a negative impact on the people you lead. How can you tell? There is one critical question: Are you making things better for the people who follow you?” -John C. Maxwell
