“Fish rots from the head”. One of my mentors shared this profound truth with me as we witnessed first-hand the toxic and negative downstream effects of poor leadership. He was right. Literally and figuratively. With the privilege of leadership comes the awesome responsibility of leadership. As leaders, we set the tone and create the culture that will either nurture success in our homes, organizations or communities, or foster toxicity, hurt and failure. Leadership matters. How we lead matters. And, who we follow matters.

I am beginning to change my focus to the new opportunities that have opened up as a result of this global pandemic. For example, I am working from home and enjoying homemade whipped coffee courtesy of Julia who has perfected this delicious beverage over the past few weeks. Who needs Starbucks?! I like that there is less traffic on the road and less people in the grocery stores. There are more events and movies being streamed online so I can enjoy them from the comfort of my couch. It’s an introvert’s paradise! (I know my extrovert friends may not share my perspective.)

4 years ago, when David made the decision to accept the appointment to the United States Air Force Academy (USAFA), we know that he was in for the ride of this life. He knew he was in for the ride of his life. But we also knew, by the grace of God, he would make it through. For 4 years we have been waiting, looking forward to a very important day: Graduation. And we planned to celebrate big!

During this season of “Stay at Home Orders” and “Social Distancing”, many of us have been thrown into uncomfortable, unfamiliar territory. A few of my colleagues have shared how challenging it is for them to work from home, because they are not used to it and not comfortable doing it. Others are struggling with homeschooling their children who are now online learners. The COVID-19 pandemic has changed our lives, and this leaves us feeling unsure in many ways. I am hopeful though. Over time as we get more familiar with the “new normal” forced upon us, we will become more confident and self-assured. It takes time.

A couple of months ago, no one even heard of the phrase “social distancing”. Yet here we are, beginning of April 2020, and this happens to be one of the most used phrases across the globe. As the world grapples with the realities of a global COVID 19 ( aka coronavirus) pandemic, we are all adjusting to living in a new paradigm. To keep ourselves and each other safe, we are all expected to practice social distancing. This means we avoid physical proximity and limit our contact with those outside our homes. Employees are telecommuting, students are learning online, restaurants only have take-out, and hair salons are considered “non-essential services” and required to stay closed. I feel like we are living in one of Julia’s dystopian novels. Is this for real?

It was the early 1990s, and somewhere in the Middle East a Navy ship pulled into port. Coordinated by the USO, an AT&T van was in the port and the sailors got on a waiting list to use the cell phones to call home. Patiently, they waited for their turn in the USO lounge. There was a mixture of excitement, nervousness, happiness…and anticipation. They thought about the last letter they sent or received. Would anyone be home to answer the phone? Would there be enough time to cover everything that needed to be said?

Punched in the gut.  That’s how I felt.  I walked away from an encounter with someone I trusted feeling betrayed, crushed, humiliated, stunned, confused, hurt…an emotional punch in the gut.  This, I have come to accept and remember, is part of the human experience.  We have such joy and love and beauty surrounding us.  But sometimes there is darkness and heartache and despair.

One of the many things I am grateful for this holiday season is the opportunity to carry on the traditions we have made as a family over the years. My kids did not always appreciate some of the activities that we now realize have become traditions. For example, we always watched “It’s a Wonderful Life” at Christmas (it happens to be my favorite movie.) I bought the DVD when they were little, and they actually hid it one year.

“We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy.” - Joseph Campbell

Have you ever been having a great day or a just a great season in life, and you feel guilty? We start questioning why we have the right to be happy when there is so much suffering in the world. We question whether or not we deserve happiness. We tell ourselves that it isn’t worth enjoying this happy season, because something bad is going to happen and we are going to be right back to being miserable.

It was day 7 of our Israel tour. We started the day on the Mount of Olives and visited the Garden of Gethsemane. Below us was the Kidron Valley, and the City of Jerusalem was on the other side of the valley. We left the Mount of Olives and headed into the old city where we were scheduled to spend time at the Western Wall (also known as the Wailing Wall). We passed through the security checkpoint and, as we entered the large courtyard area adjacent to the wall, we were instructed that the men would go left and the women would go right since there was a separate section for men and women to pray at the wall.

Rewind to 5 days ago. It was Monday morning and I was sitting in my office in a meeting when I heard a knock on the door. I got up and opened the door, and a colleague and friend was on the other side. She said she needed to talk with me about something personal. She was visibly upset. The first thought that came to mind was that she had found another position and was leaving. A bit of panic set in because she was really great in her role and it would be such a big loss to the hospital if she left. My colleague who I was meeting with was insightful enough to understand that this interruption was important, and she graciously stepped out of the office so I could have a private conversation. What I heard in the next few minutes left me speechless.

On Jeopardy! there is one right answer for each question. The contestants study the answers and are prepared to provide the answer when the question is presented. That’s TV. Life often presents us with complex issues and problems to solve, and the reality is that sometimes there are more than one right answers. There is an old saying, “there’s more than one way to skin a cat”. While the saying is a little bit disturbing (not sure how many cats were actually in danger back in the day), there is wisdom in the adage.

I taught my kids growing you, “Finish what you start!”  I was teaching them that when they made a commitment, it was important to see it through even when the going got tough.  That advise still stands.  I am adding another piece of advice to supplement the first.  Sometimes starting is enough. Occasionally we will find ourselves in situations where we started something but there is no value in finishing. The value was in starting.   There is wisdom in knowing when to move on.  And there is no need to feel guilty when we do.

When you visit my parents and they offer you soda, it will be Pepsi. That’s their favorite soda brand. Many of us have loyalty to certain brands. Companies understand the importance of having a strong brand. They invest heavily to ensure their brands are unique, readily recognized and loved by their customers. When we see a swoosh or a partially eaten apple, we know exactly what brand is being represented. As individuals, we also have a brand.

It was June, 1987.  Mom had returned home to Jamaica having left us 14 months earlier to check out a job opportunity in the States.  She had packed a small suitcase.  This was supposed to be a reconnaissance mission.  We didn’t know at the time that the journey would take her to Kenedy, Texas, where she would be offered a job on the spot and would be required to stay while the immigration paperwork was sorted out.  She missed my 16th birthday.  But she was home now.

I spent the summer of 2013 in a fog. I was desperately trying to adjust to a new reality that I was totally unprepared for. 9 days after her high school graduation, we flew to Colorado Springs to take our first born, Alexia, to “Inprocessing” at the United States Air Force Academy. 9 months prior was the first time I even heard of the United States Air Force Academy. It was September of her senior year, and Alexia expressed interest in applying to a service Academy.

The summer of 2012 was the summer of our “Grand Adventure”. The kids were 17, 14 and 12 and we wanted to do something different. We liked to travel and see new places, and had done many road trips over the years, going as far as Canada to see Niagara Falls. For the first time we decided to take advantage of the “military hop” as a family to go somewhere different and experience something new. We spent all day, waiting around in the air terminal on the Norfolk base, hoping to get on a flight. The kids were on summer break, but my vacation time was limited and we had to set a time limit on how many days we could wait before calling it quits. We had 3 days to get a flight.

“Stress will kill you. Literally,” commented Stephanie. I was sitting next to her at breakfast. We were both attending the NASHE C-Suite Leadership experience in San Diego, California. We had spent the previous 2 days listening to speakers and dialoguing with colleagues about sustainability in healthcare and the challenges facing healthcare leaders as we work to innovate and transform the industry. As healthcare executives, we were no strangers to stress. But Stephanie’s story goes beyond what we experience in the C-Suite. She was referring to stress of a different making.  Stephanie is an Army veteran. In 1989, she survived a helicopter crash in the mountains of Korea.

Do you need to make a big decision in the next few days or weeks that will significantly impact the rest of your life? Maybe you are a college student trying to decide which college to choose. Or you may have a job offer or want to start your own business and you are trying to decide if you should take the leap. Maybe you are deciding if now is the time to get engaged or married. Or you might be deciding if it’s time to buy a house or have a baby.  Maybe you are contemplating retirement. Or maybe you want to start a whole new career and you’re wondering if it’s too late.

Have you ever been in a situation when you think you are there to encourage someone and it turns out that they end up encouraging you? That happened to me when my son David was in Basic Cadet Training (aka bootcamp) at USAFA. After learning about the boot camp experience from our oldest daughter Alexia, I felt like I had a pretty good understanding of what David would face when he was there. I knew that it would be important to send David letters of encouragement, reminding him that he could make it, that the experience would not last forever, and that we were here rooting for him.